hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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