i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
