Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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