Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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