Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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