cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
