oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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