i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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