I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
