Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
