that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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