sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
