So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
