I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
