How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
