i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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