I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
