she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
