The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
