He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
