He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
