like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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