My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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