look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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