hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
