dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
