the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
