is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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