Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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