It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
pop tarts are not kleenex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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