I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
