I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
