omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I touched a dick in church today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
