What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
