did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
