Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize