Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
