a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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