It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
