i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
