Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
someone owes me an orgasm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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