Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
