I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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