very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
