The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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