I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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