Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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