i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
