did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
