i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
