I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
