my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
vagina is talking i cant
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
