it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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