btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
