I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
