Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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