I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
