My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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