we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
