Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
