you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Randomize
