I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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