Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
