Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just gift wrapped bread.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
