He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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