Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
